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Doctor's Orders

The Announcement of My Death
Bar & Drinking Jokes
Submitted by Benjones

Jerry was sitting down for breakfast one morning when he was astonished to see in the paper an announcment of his own death.

He called his friend at once, "Jim, have you seen the announcement of my death in the paper?"

Jim replied, "Yes, and exactly where are you calling from?"

Doctor's Orders
Sport Jokes
Submitted by outward

A man was showing his friend a new set of matched golf clubs he had just bought.

"Doctor's orders," the man told his friend. "My wife and I have been gaining too much weight and we went to see the doctor about it. He said we needed more exercise, so I joined the country club and bought myself this set of golf clubs."

"What about your wife?" the friend asked. "What did you buy her?"

"A new lawn mower," the golfer said.

[CyberJoke3000] February 15, 2024

It's Al Lowe's CyberJoke 3000™

In 1978, the Cray-1 supercomputer was by far the fastest computer in the world. It cost $7 million ($33M today), weighed 5 tons, and had a 115 kilowatt power supply. Today for $70 you can buy a Raspberry Pi that weighs a few ounces, uses five watts, and is 4 times faster!
https://bit.ly/3SoLmDS

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Today's CyberJoke 3000™

Usually, I just order, "A Coke, please" but lately this stopped working. Now, waitresses respond, "I'm sorry, we don't have Coke, but we do have Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Dr. Pepper, Fanta, Sprite," etc. Tired of listening to the long list, I decided to make life easier. I asked for a "dark, carbonated beverage." The waitress chuckled and asked, "And would you like a cylindrical sucking device with that?"

After examining the wife, the gynecologist spoke to the husband. "Sir, your wife is pregnant." He was shocked. "Are you serious? We always have safe sex." The doctor replied, "It's like traffic: you may be careful; others, not so much!"

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